The half-forgotten
Other half of my short life
In short story form

 
Argh! We're Screwed!
9-18-1998

You, me, and some other people, all dressed in black, enter a huge department store. We wander around a bit, checking out the merchandise, before getting the impression we're not welcome. In fact, security is looking for us. I remember that I avoided security once by hiding in the clothing racks. Apparently you had the same idea, because you were already crouched down in the folds of a floor-sweeping leather trenchcoat. I stooped in with you -- it was barely big enough, and my side was showing. They announced something over the store intercom, and we heard footsteps. I stupidly kept whispering things to you, like, "My side is showing. I think someone's looking through the sleeve." Indeed I think someone was.

We burst out of the jacket to find that noone was even in our vicinity. We decided to leave. "Let's walk," you said. "Slowly," I reminded you. So we walked down the main aisle, made a turn towards the exit where the parking lot was, and got almost to the exit before stopping. I turned around and noticed that a young store security guard had been shadowing us, but he wasn't doing anything. I got the sneaking suspicion that he'd somehow planted something on us that would trip the alarm and justify our capture. He just stood there, waiting for us to go out the door. "One at a time," I advised, "and if it goes off, we run for it."

I stepped through. Nothing happened. You walked out, and an alarm sounded, but I wasn't quite sure what kind of alarm it was, or if it was the store alarm at all. The guard still just stood there, and I grabbed you and said, "Try again," but before we could make sure, the guard lunged at you. I shoved you to the side, avoiding the guard, and we bolted into the parking lot.

It was nighttime, but there were lots of cars. Scanning to find my car, I saw two men by my car...with the door open! And flashlights! One of them had something in his hand that he'd taken from my car! I was enraged, (as my emotions are always enhanced ten-fold in my dreams), and ran at him at full speed, faster than humanly possible, screaming at him in my mind. I was totally set on leaping at him and delivering a devastating jump kick to his body, but at the last second he stood up straight, saw me, and stepped to the side. I was pissed. He pulled a gun, which I tried to grab, but he stepped back, out of my range, and held it at me.

"What the FUCK are you doing to my car?!?" I demanded. "You were illegally parked," was his excuse, but I know that's not where I'd parked in the first place. They must've moved my car. The guy handed two pieces of paper to his accomplice, saying, "One country map, and one tour guide of the Houston area. Haha!" His accomplice grinned and left. (There was so much dialogue in this dream, but I don't remember most of it, unfortunately.) The guy somehow connected my car's trailer hitch (though I don't have one) to an immobile trailer, and locked it, so that we couldn't go anywhere. He left. I guess he would be back.

You came over to the car as I jumped around in rage, such a great idea. I let her go.

"It's not fair!" I complained. "Just when I was about to jump kick him! ARGH!" She looked inside the car and said, "Well no wonder, you had those maps sitting in your car, so you were obviously not from around here." I pointed out, "Yeah, and I also have an out-of-state license plate." I guess she hadn't seen that, so I made her feel stupid.

We got into the car and took off in the eastern direction. It was a dirt road, flanked on the right by thick deciduous trees, and on the left by mountain rock. I suddenly remembered that we wanted to go WEST, so I turned around, knowing that the cops would be waiting for us in that direction.

They were. A chase scene ensued, which I don't remember much of. At some point I ended up out of the car, leaving you behind. Argh, I've spent the past hour remembering just that first part, disallowing me to remember the rest very clearly, but it was only a SMALL FRACTION of the entire dream.

Anyway, I somehow talked to you on the phone, and you said you were in a certain town, to which I was extremely frustrated. "We were only two seconds from where we wanted to be, and you turned around! Now you're WAY out to the east! ARGH! We're screwed!" I took it for granted that you had the car, and wondered why you had to pick NOW as the time to learn how to drive...by yourself, even. I told you I would just have to come all the way back and come get you.

I remembered I hadn't seen my pal Wayne in a long time, so I thought I'd stop by. He still lived at home. I snuck to his back window and took a peek inside. The piece of firewood under his bed table was still there. I thought I would start a fire. When I started to climb through the window, I noticed that knew them both. I found myself inside one of them, between them, many positions...not really moving or thrusting about, but just holding, cuddling really closely. Talking about simple things, don't remember what. I wondered when you were supposed to arrive and strip for me, and then wondered why you were supposed to do this, and why were we trying to drive west anyway?

I somehow found my car again, and drove eastward, but the cops were hot on my tail again. I had to shake them somehow. An exit ramp came up, sprouting off into three directions, each like a stone waterslide -- steep, walled, and curvy. I took the one headed back to the west, since that was the least likely place I'd actually want to go.

I came to a 3-t. They were trying to corner me. I ran back into the building, somehow not running into the people, and slid down the railings on the staircase, arriving at the next-to-bottom tier. People were converging on me from all directions. When I looked down, I was surprised to see my car still there, asticks (huh? Message must've gotten truncated). I stuck my arm out and tried to poke him with it, but it was hard to do this and drive at the same time. I gave up for a moment, thinking I would speed up and then break real hard to throw him off. I looked out and saw that he had a saw or a drill or torch or something and was about to cut his way in through the roof into my back seat, so I stuck my stick out there again and poked him hard, driving it into his fat belly. It hurt him, and he started to fall, but this wasn't going to do, so I hit the brakes and turned the wheel. I used my stick for some extra force, and he fell off, but I was now driving backwards. I came out into a beautiful mountainous region. I passed a semi truck, still going backwards, and did a bootleg turn, ending up facing forward with the same momentum.

I was approaching another bridge, but its warning signals were flashing. It was dislocating from the mainland! There was a military man at the bridge, frantically directing me to NOT drive onto (another truncation? ...something about Thaadd shooting me in the stomach is missing) I thought you'd betrayed me as well, but then you explained that you'd previously run your fingers over every inch of my stomach, knew every contour, and that you knew exactly where to shoot so that you wouldn't do any damage.

(The audience here is Thaadd.)


posted by Phlegm at 11/24/2003