The half-forgotten
Other half of my short life
In short story form

 
Epileptic Is Right
8-26-1993

I'm a vampire, and I capture an old man with some of my vampire friends. We run away from something, and end up pushing our way through some factory up this long line of people. At the start of the line, people are loading into suspended cages and being whisked around above molten lava. If they're lucky, the man at the end won't stop their cage and let them drop into the inferno, and they can then leave. I push the guy behind me into the next cage, since I was highly nervous, thinking this is the "end of the line". The words "Baptism by Fire" come into my head.

I'm part of a huge group of people searching a mansion-sized, 4-story house. I don't remember what we were looking for, but I remember something about some kid changing clothes in various rooms. There was a lot of suspense.

I'm preparing to go to school in Ann Arbor. My concern is that I need someplace to live. I drive around the city for a bit, running stop signs and not driving very well. I finally decide that I'll try to stay with someone else during college, and go to GP's house, asking her as she pulls into thedriveway. I say, "Hi...uh...I was gonna ask you something, but nevermind." Awkward silence. "Well, I was gonna ask you if I could stay with you during college, but it wouldn't make sense since I'm going to Ann Arbor, not Flint." I then explain that it was all a big mistake and leave.

I'm in a huge building where lots of people are partying. I follow my dad up the steps, pushing past a lot of people. The blacks are being really rude, always pushing to the top in no time, like people should fear them. I lose my dad and my friends, but have two chips of some sort. I push my way to the very top where some goblin-like guys and a strange lion-like race are. While standing there, one little guy keeps cutting my ear with a knife from behind. I finally stare at him and disintegrate him into nothingness! The others attack me fiercely, hurting me in the process. I manage to disintegrate one of them and maim a few others.

I suddenly appear, with a bunch of dream friends, at a battlefield. On our side we have a submarine, Voltron, and a spaceship. The other side has their tools of destruction. We have to pilot these things by remote control. Then, unfairly, some third party launches a missile at us! We'd already deflected some missiles, but we can't deflect this kind. So we pilot our submarine through some waters and caves, dodging several missiles, but finally getting hit...and destroyed.

Next, I'm at a youth retreat. It's winter time. Not spending any time with anyone in the youth group, I instead watch a tennis match between two rival girls. The one I'm going for loses, so I play the other girl. I started out doing great, but she has a killer sleeper shot and eventually wins. I throw my racket, jump the net, back her against the fence, punch her in the face, draw her up to me, and kiss her. I then take her with me inside the building that the youth group is staying in. She's an independent type, and I know she wouldn't stay long. We have some champagne. A bunch of cats come to me, and I play with them, bragging that animals loved me. I then hear something about kids hiding out in abandoned houses somewhere, so I leave to find a place to stay. On my way I drink the rest of the champagne. I walk along this twisted wall with loose bricks, tree roots sprouting up around it. People with muskets march around, but don't bother me. I see old townhouse-sized buildings, but they're either occupied or filled with dirt or other garbage. Looking behind the houses, I notice this is a graveyard and decide to get outta there. I follow the wall back, almost scraping my head along a dirt ceiling as I realize this place is underground and that I was crawling. That explains the darkness I just now really noticed. A ragged woman on the wall asks me why I didn't pass down further. "I think I will..." so I do. There's a rock-slide on the way down, but I make it away okay. Two sentries complain something like, "The captain's box is getting closer to the surface every time someone does that." On my way back, I end up talking to a friend when my girl walks out from somewhere. I thought I'd lost her. I put my arm around her and say, "If I keep runnin' into ya I'm gonna hafta marry ya." We go inside.

Later, my arm falls asleep as I come home to the same woman, some time in the future. She complains about me having sex with someone else. I tell our servant to stand by the basketball pole in our driveway, saying, "I seem to do it over there." My wife says something about it being epileptic. I smile and say, "epileptic is right."

posted by Phlegm at 11/03/2003