We Pulled Away
3-02-2001
A party hosted by my friend Mike in Houston. Some guys were cooking, talking to an attractive woman. "Typical" I thought to myself...they were just cooking so that she would think they're domestic, nice guys. I shook Mike's hand and ignored a bunch of other people.
There was an interior decorator woman who did a bad job with the swimming pool, and got all mad when the owner lady said so. Then the pool was dry, revealing a secret passage to this really hot girl's bedroom. I had to take a shower, so I went into the bathroom, but I accidentally stumbled into her bedroom instead. She was still asleep, and I got out of there before she saw me naked.
Then some guy ended up staying the night at her place, and they stayed up all night talking. I asked her later if she liked him, and she said she did. I asked if he burped around her yet, and he had.
Then I saw that girl talking to her female friend, both sitting/lying on her bed. She was talking about how this guy didn't expect all these typical things of her. She was starting to get annoyed as if he did, but it was just general angst against the world. Then she got off the bed and was suddenly very obese. Her arm seemed so long as she held a twinkie aloft and gorged upon it.
Then I was on a boat with two other guys, drifing along a creek in some jungle. There was a really fat guy in a wading pool alongside, and he started throwing rocks and mud at us. I threw a rock back and missed. I threw another one and missed. I jumped off the boat (SMALL boat) and found a huge rock in the stream. I tossed it at him and nailed him on the head. I felt cruel, but also like he deserved it. I got back on the boat, but the fat man was swimming after us. Blindly. Flailing his arm at our craft, always an inch away. He was literally blind, something I didn't realize before. I got the other two guys to paddle with me, and we pulled away.
posted by Phlegm at 11/26/2003
